Ive been on mmt for 5 years now and ive always struggled with the fact of having to take this drug everyday, I feel different, inhuman, I feel like im this machine that needs refueled everyday or ill break and not be able to live like everyday humans do! This fuel that i need is called methadone that has 100% control over my body, it tells me who i can be with, where i can go and how far i can travel away from it befor it tells me to come home and take me befor i make your life a living hell! Im scared to death to get stuck somewhere where i cannot make it back in time to redose! Ive set up failsafes with extra doses places in case i cannot make it to clinic or theres a catastrophe and clinic is shut down! I live in fear of this stuff. Plus I have the worst side affects , horrible gut wrenching constiption daily, swealling of hands, i have to walk around with a towell wrapped around me to wipe the sweat every 5 mins and sex drive! Lets just say its at a zero and plunging and im a 34 yr old male 180lb 6'1. When i do have sex i cannot even last but 5mins! Soo sad and embarresing cause ive never ever ever been this way befor meth! And ive seen doctors doctors and more doctors and everyone has a new pill they want me to take! I am on meds for sweating and constipstion already. Bad depression and moods swings weekly. Cant keep a girl longer then aweek! Ive just closed up and go to work and come home and sit watch netflix! Ive lost all desires to do the things i once loved to do befor meth. I had lots of spells with pills and herion off and on but never went hard for more than a year striaght at one time. Reason i tried methadone was i couldnt stay clean long term and family pressured me into it. I mean its done me good dont get me wrong but now it seems like the badd times are out weighing the good times and i feel like im drowning inside myself. The biggest thing that bothers me is I WANT CONTROL of my body back! I feel like im inhuman sometimes cause i cant control my body on my own! There has to be another way for me cause i cannot live like this much longer! Ive pretty much felt this way the whole 5years ive been drinking mdone. The general population does not understand me and i cannot talk to someone who has not been here already so befor this site ive never really talked! Even NA AA has a hard time listening to me! They say just QUIT it right now today, STOP doseing ! lol. lol. funnyest thing and sadest thing ive ever heard when your looking for help! Thanks for listening
HELP! NEW HERE AND NEEDING A GOOD LISTENER!