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ninny111

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#41 [url]

Jul 24 13 12:05 PM

Yes I totally agree with you about how posts are very easily misunderstood...with the loss of emotion not to mention the loss of the facial expressions the body language and all of the other stuff that makes a face to face conversation so much easier to have than the cold and lifeless electronic conversation. Even the handwritten letters of long ago had more personality and life to them, they weren't so cold and lifeless either.
 
The reason I needed to start using methadone was so I could take the time to get my head straight and work out my other issues...then I could work on my addiction,(it all kind of went together). Mainly the issues that initially caused my relapse after 12 years of not using. Now that I have my emotions in check I want to get back to my life so to speak. I know that I am going to need additional support even after I am off of methadone. That is what I should have gotten when I was relapsing, I actually was considering getting help or support while I was considering relapsing. Know I know what I should have done and if and when that happens again that I am at that decision making crossroad I will know what to do. I will have someone there for me no matter how many months or years I am clean. I thought after 12 years I was safe and that I could control it and that I would just use to numb my feelings of my moms passing but in no time at all I was back to my old ways. So now I know that it doesn't matter how much time has passed...I know that I can never use again. Thanks for writing back. I wish you all the best with your treatment. I know every person I talk to about their story and treatment, not one person has the same story as another so not every road to recovery can possibly be the same. I must say that my counselor (the first one that I had and the 4th one that I had) and the groups that I go to has been my biggest help. The next thing on my agenda is replacement therapy...instead of sleeping the majority of the day I am going to start walking...hopefully starting next week, we will see. I guess I have managed to ramble on again...so sorry. Well thank you...and again have a great evening. 

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wayovermyhead

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#42 [url]

Jul 24 13 8:23 PM

One thing I meant to mention earlier back and I think is real important for MMT'er's to know is this.  Example First:  Here recently I have had a terrible toothache...So instead of filling the percocet script the doctor at the ER gave me I have eaten the hell out of a combination of ibuprofen and acetaminophen....Like 2/3 of each every 4 hours or so....I can't keep my eyes open I am so sleepy....Before I was able to split dose....Took 180 milligrams of methadone in the mornings....I would nod out several times a day but on anything less I would suffer withdrawals and I had ever stopped the cravings yet (at that point)....I was burning holes in everything...falling asleep on the toilet etc...Most of this happened between 4 to 10 hours after dosing....I knew not to disclose this to the clinic especially still having withdrawals and all because I knew what they would think and do so I dealt with it...My friends and family were in fear of me being left alone. 

Medicines no matter what they are...is putting something in our body that is changing the pattern and routine of our bodies...metabolism, sleep, appetite etc....whether it be having to take an abundance of Aspirin and Tylenol or methadone even antibiotics can create excessive sleepiness....SO YES METHADONE AND/OR ANY MEDICINE  can be the culprit...what I found out was I could with my methadone at least was change my patterns and routines...The minute I began to get sleepy and/or nod I had to get up and move around not allowing the environment to become so cozy for me.  Such as I could not be a couch potato at all on methadone or I get extremely sleepy but if I am up and moving around I can stay awake all day and never nod out or get excessive in my sleeping...

Now this will not work for everyone and especially if indeed someone is on too high or too low of a dose (that can be just as easy to create sleepiness as too much methadone)...But I have since then suggested to several people the same and they have reported back to me that it worked...they were not sleeping all day or too much...Our bodies are like machines, something foreign, different than usual, too much or too little added to the machine can and will create a reaction of sorts....

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mythoughts2

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#43 [url]

Jul 24 13 9:34 PM

I think people here are very cautious because we know that 1 year of sobriety is not a long time in the course of a life as an addict (actively using or not). The MOST DANGEROUS time for overdosing is when you first get cleabn. In your case, getting clean would be getting off MMT. I had a friend Jake who was a heroin addict. he got clean on MMt. He started going to NA meetings where he was told over and again to get off MMT, to stop trading one addiction for another. he did get off MMT. 6 months later he decided to use - just a little bit.  Jake died that day. Jake is one of MANY friends I've had who died while relapsing after getting clean. So we definitely worry.

That said, I used for many years and never wanted to get on MMT because I didn't want to be on it forever. I didn't want the side effects, clinic BS, cost, etc...I did get on MMT eventually and I have been on it for many years, which I feared. That said, I've also spent many years dealing with the issues that led me to use, stopped smoking, drinking caffeine, smoking pot, have owned 4 homes, started 2 businesses and have been in a successful marriage for 16 years. I know that I could not have done this without being clean. Now, I have tapered from a high of 300mg to 95mg. So I do understand how you feel. However, it takes at least 6 months for someone to medically stabilize on Methadone. Even if your life was perfect, you wouldn't be able to start a taper ethically until 6 months, and that is assuming that you've dealt with every issue in your life that led to you using. Those issues take years. You have been clean before so you have practice there, but you also relapsed, which makes me wonder if 1 year is enough to work out those issues for good.

We all experience the problems with family that don't life us on MMT, the financial woes of being on MMT and the side effects. People do not those reasons be the reasons you stop. You are ready to stop when the day comes that you truly feel that the effort, cost, etc..is more than what you get back from it. I KNOW FOR A FACT that I WILL NEVER, EVER use again. That is why I'm tapering. Heroin DISGUSTS me. I will never use a needle again. The thought repulses me and I have no cravings at all. That is how I know I am ready.

Anyway, please taper slowly enough that you don't wake up that dragon, and slow enough that you give your body a chance to adjust to each dose before going down more. You may find that a lower dose negates the side effects.


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the elephantman

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#44 [url]

Jul 25 13 10:02 AM

@ninny: I hope this comes out the way i intend it to as my intentions are good. If you relapsed after 12 years of not using, what feels different this time after only 1 year of not using? Im worried getting off MMT may have negative consequences.

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wayovermyhead

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#45 [url]

Jul 25 13 11:14 AM


  • I think people here are very cautious because we know that 1 year of sobriety is not a long time in the course of a life as an addict (actively using or not).
  • Even if your life was perfect, you wouldn't be able to start a taper ethically until 6 months, and that is assuming that you've dealt with every issue in your life that led to you using. Those issues take years. You have been clean before so you have practice there, but you also relapsed, which makes me wonder if 1 year is enough to work out those issues for good.
  • We all experience the problems with family that don't life us on MMT, the financial woes of being on MMT and the side effects. People do not those reasons be the reasons you stop. You are ready to stop when the day comes that you truly feel that the effort, cost, etc..is more than what you get back from it.
  • Anyway, please taper slowly enough that you don't wake up that dragon, and slow enough that you give your body a chance to adjust to each dose before going down more. You may find that a lower dose negates the side effects.

-mythoughts2

@mythoughts...you make for some wonderful points above....I have many years behind me of "waking the dragon" because I decided to stop putting forth some effort or I changed my ways of thinking regarding something that was assisting me in staying sober....i.e. thought I had enough "clean time" I could go around so and so or be around this or that....Breaking it all down this disease is waiting right around the corner for me to muck up....and it can happen in the blink of an eye....

It is easier for me to get high than it is for me not to or not use...... many addicts want to disagree with this mentality and say I am cutting myself short but.....I have proven this point so many times nothing anyone can say will convince me otherwise....

I just as @mythoughts have a friend who devoted his whole "sobriety" of 40 years working in Treatment in the streets of Daytona Beach Florida See Obit below:

The celebration of the life of --------------- took place at -------------------------, in Orange City Sunday, -------------------- where there was not even standing room as the aisles stretched out into the churchyard and down the sidewalk down and around the corner of a side-street.  Benny was a devoted father and loving husband. He was also a long-time member of AA and NA of 30 years and touched thousands of lives through his work as a substance abuse counselor in Volusia County.   Many times he was known to offer his couch along with food and clothing to addicts surviving the streets of Daytona Beach Florida.  When questioned by concerned family or friends, he would simply state “just get them off the streets first, there is no hope for them otherwise”.     He will be greatly missed.



He was 59 years old and had been found in his van dead with a needle in his arm.....I was one of the many he had offered a couch to.  Over the 13 years I knew him he had offered me this well over 6 to 7 times and sometimes for months at a time.  The last time I had seen him was standing in the hall of a treatment center I was in (that he and my mother had secured for me) and he was begging me to not leave and I was begging him to take me out of there.  I left anyway and did not try to contact him for two years because of the shame of relapse...when I did try I found out he had died.....



I still shudder to date when I think about how could he have relapsed.....He was still offering services to the street addicts in Daytona Beach......He had disappeared out of thin air to both family and community for four days when he was found in the Ocala Forest, appearing that he had been camping (which he was very well known for his "time with nature"....)  When I tried to contact mutual AA/NA friends, I was shunned and blamed in sorts for my disappearance out of his life....which just about killed me for two or three months.  (today I have put the AA/NA Saga to rest and realized that although appearing to be unconditional and accepting" they can be quick to pass judgment) Trust me I was doing quite a number on myself I did not need any help in punishing me further. 



In his defense tho I must say I never witnessed him doing this but he had been one of those few that believed also in Harm Reduction and he in fact turned people on to MMT and offered help to MMT Patients.  He had discussed it with me on more than one occasion but I was blindsighted by all the "naysayers" and wanted to fit in to their community as at that time it was the only safety net I had (when I was not using that is).....


The celebration of the life of Benny George Bennett will take place at Emmaus Lutheran Church, 2500 South Volusia Avenue in Orange City, on Sunday, January 8th at 2:00 P.M. Benny was a devoted father and loving husband. He was also a long-time member of AA and NA and touched hundreds of lives through his work as a substance abuse counselor in Volusia County. Benny created beautiful cedar furniture and enjoyed fishing, reading, and journaling. Those who love him include his wife, Susan; his son, Zach; five sisters, two grandchildren, close extended family and many friends. He will be greatly missed. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/news-journalonline/obituary.aspx?pid=155351494#fbLoggedOut
The celebration of the life of Benny George Bennett will take place at Emmaus Lutheran Church, 2500 South Volusia Avenue in Orange City, on Sunday, January 8th at 2:00 P.M. Benny was a devoted father and loving husband. He was also a long-time member of AA and NA and touched hundreds of lives through his work as a substance abuse counselor in Volusia County. Benny created beautiful cedar furniture and enjoyed fishing, reading, and journaling. Those who love him include his wife, Susan; his son, Zach; five sisters, two grandchildren, close extended family and many friends. He will be greatly missed. - See more at: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/news-journalonline/obituary.aspx?pid=155351494#fbLoggedOut
I have since then found out a few things to help me better understand his relapse as he had been recently diagnosed with some schizophrenia episodes and well He had always suffered bouts of depression.  He had retired from Counseling and married this woman that he well never really loved but had something with her for a long time.  When I contacted her which I tried not to for answers she had told me not to fool myself me getting out of his life was the best thing that ever happened to him....she was not an addict herself but a Al-anon iyswim....

Still...all the same....it goes to show no one is exempt....He had spoke at a meeting two weeks prior to his death and had spoke to a few sponsee's the day before (that is how they came to look in the Ocala Forest for him)......I do not think he had been in relapse for any period of time....I think he overestimated his bag of heroin or it was suicide.......Soon after finding this out, doing about three months more of self adminisyered punishing....I went to a detox facility where a nurse against all she had been taught to do suggested I seek out MMT and here I am 4 years later with no plans of undoing anything that seems to be working for me. 

I do believe there is a fairly good size population of MMT patients that can at some time taper off....Why do I choose not to be one of them is because I do not fit in that population...I have tried the abstinent recovery life with lots of counseling, AA/NA, Church, Health Regimes etc....30 years of it all with no real success but 5 years in my late 20's at NA/AA which I smothered myself in 20 to 24 hours a day.....That is no way to live either....

I do not want to tell anyone not to try life off MMT....(I understand the concept and the disadvantages of being on MMT)....I just wanted to make note in anyone that reads this...It can happen...Relapse that is...to people who think or appear to be doing all the right things too. 

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sapphire76

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#46 [url]

Jul 26 13 6:18 AM

@Ninny - I hope that you don't think we are all being down on you. We are only trying to keep it real because we care what happens to the people on this board.

One year being drug free is a blink in time in the grand scheme of things. Medical researchers and practitioners recommend that people be in treatment for at least 2 years.

2 years is the minimum time that yields the best results.

I know that you're saying that the reasons that led you to using again after 12 years have been dealt with now, but if they resurfaced after 12 years, I think that perhaps they need more than 1 year to deal properly with them?

You say that you "I know I'll never use again", but maybe you also thought that in the 12 years prior to your last relapse.

I personally think, that as addicts, we can never say "I'm never going to use again". 
We may have all the best intentions in the world, and really, really want not to use ever again, but that pesky little thing called life ends up getting in the way.

People are not saying these things to "keep you" on methadone, we are just worried for you.

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ninny111

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#47 [url]

Jul 27 13 1:53 AM

@ninny: I hope this comes out the way i intend it to as my intentions are good. If you relapsed after 12 years of not using, what feels different this time after only 1 year of not using? Im worried getting off MMT may have negative consequences.

-the_elephantman

I have dealt with the grief of my moms death...she passed away on 3/28/2007.  I started using the next day because I wanted to numb my pain.  I blamed myself for her death and I have finally been able to let that go.  I know that my moms death wasn't my fault and that the feelings I was having was really a natural part of the whole grief process.  Besides the last thing my mom would want is to know that her death brought on my relapse.  I feel stronger now that I have been going to different groups.  I probably should have started going to a group the day my mom passed.  One thing for certain, I do plan to continue going to a group somewhere either an N/A or a church group...somewhere!!  Thank you for your help elephantman.

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mythoughts2

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#48 [url]

Jul 27 13 10:17 AM

Ninny, we have a lot in common. My mother died of a cancerous brain tumor when I was 13. It was just the 2 of us - no father, siblings, neighbors, family friends or grandparents in my life. I ended up in foster care then onto the streets. Heroin use was around the corner.

It 's been 24yrs since she died and I continue to deal with it. I've really just in the past 5yrs done the heavy work needed to heal. Her death has effected me in many ways that are not apparent on the surface:

I have neurotic tendencies towards medical care and am constantly fearful for my health. I don't trust people in general because she left me - intentionally or not - and because nobody was there when I needed them. I have difficulty with relationships. I decided never to have children because I cannot promise that I will not leave them as well. My point in sharing this is that I would hesitate before telling yourself that you've completely dealt with your mother's death in 6 years. If you have, I am very happy to hear that. I just worry.

MMT may not be right for you. Maybe you'll do better off. It doesn't work well for everyone. I do hope that you taper very slowly - and by slowly I mean that once someone gets to the last 25% of their original dose, they shouldn't be going down more than 1mg every week or every other week. Please be sure that you are not getting off because of family pressure, inconvenience, cost or side effects as you mentioned. Be sure that you are getting off because you no longer have ANY cravings at all. Usually, I wouldn't recommend tapering until you've been totally clean for at least several years. This is for someone like yourself who has a history of lifelong addiction and not for someone who used for 1 year.

Whatever you do, please know that we're here for you. I get concerned when people say that they are going to go to NA meetings when they get off MMT. I personally think a psychologist who specializes in addiction treatment is best. NA groupers are a bunch of people who are at risk of relapse themselves, as we all are. They are not trained to teach you the tools you need to survive when you are considering using. You may need 1 on 1 time. A meeting is not designed to allow you to sit and cry about the loss of your mother for an hour, and there will be times that you need that. Also, NA participants will tell you not to get back on MMT at all costs - even if that is what you find you need to keep from relapsing at some point. Please consider Subutex if you do ever find that you need to get assisted treatment again. Your dose is appropriate for Sub use and you may find that it is less constricting and has less side effects.


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wayovermyhead

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#49 [url]

Jul 27 13 5:58 PM

  Please consider Subutex if you do ever find that you need to get assisted treatment again. Your dose is appropriate for Sub use and you may find that it is less constricting and has less side effects.

-mythoughts2

@my you always offer such great info and advice thanking you....

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g0t2b d0sed

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#50 [url]

Jul 27 13 6:14 PM

Agreed^ that was certainly non biased, GREAT advice!

0UT 0F SUFFERiNG HAVE EMERGED THE STR0NGEST S0UlS THE M0ST MASSiVE CHARACTERS ARE SEARED WiTH SCARS -AMYlYNN 

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15plusyrsonmmt

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#51 [url]

Jul 27 13 7:56 PM

Hi ninny-

I am very happy for you that you feel as if you're in a place to taper off MMT completely. I wish you all the success in doing so. But please, before you decide to completely- please take time to yourself to evaluate ALL circumstances. Believe me, I totally understand you and I do believe you when you say you feel as if you are ready to do this and can be successful. However, if you just take a little time to yourself now to evaluate, it could really save you some unnecessary grief in the end.

Ask yourself if you have some good key people around you to help in times of emotional stress and during your taper. At times your taper can be just as stressful as after you come off. And once you are off, you WILL need a good support system to help you in times of need, or stress, or just whatever. Times of need can mean anything but I guess what I'm mainly referring to is if you do start having cravings do you have someone that you can go to, to talk, to possibly bring you back down from that ledge or so to speak, when you're just kinda having one of those days where you feel as if you may use. Ya know? Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make all the difference in the world and they can sometimes show you a different way of thinking about something.

Are you making new friends and/or acquaintances that are not using that will help steer you to positive, productive things in your life? This helps tremendously; if you're nowhere near people who use then the opportunity doesn't come up as often that you have to refrain from using while others around you are doing so.

Also, just as mythoughts2 said above- grief can take so long to go through. I have so many things in common with her regarding losing my mother when I was young. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 16 years old, I am now 36, and I am now going through some of the worst times of grief since she died. And partly due to that (& financial things) at this time I am dealing with a very severe depression along with suicidal tendencies that I really have a hard time keeping a hold on. So I know for me it would be very hard getting off MMT and dealing with depression, grief, etc. I'm not saying that this is how your situation would turn out, I just want you to be aware so you can take a minute to step back and think of everything before you completely end your MMT.

You mentioned getting in some type of group setting and possibly some type of NA, just be very careful when you're dealing with any kind of 12 step groups. Saying that they are extremely judgemental is an understatement. However there are plenty of other types of groups that can help you very much if that is something you are still interested in. My advice would be to just do your research before you pick a type of Group. There are groups out there that are very helpful and encouraging.

I am sending my good thoughts and loads of encouragement your way to help you be successful in this! I hope you take to heart what I have said above and I wish you nothing but the best and I know that you can make it through this trial and accomplish what you would like.

Best of luck!

All My Best~ "Raffiniert ist der Herrgott, aber boshaft ist er nicht." - Einstein ("Subtle is the Lord, malicious He is not.")

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ninny111

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#52 [url]

Jul 27 13 9:14 PM

Thank you so much everyone!! I must say great advice!! One thing about the N/A thing...I know what you all are saying when you say they are often judgmental and not properly trained.  The last time that I was in the N/A group I quit for those very reasons.  The group leader allowed everyone to continuously talk about their drug stories and they did so like they were bragging or trying to out do someone else in the groups story.  I couldn't stand it so I stopped going all together.  This is one thing that makes me worry, not finding the appropriate group for me and my stage of recovery.  So maybe I should look into finding something more fitting to my needs...ANY SUGGESTIONS!! 

I have a great support system now!!  I also no longer have any of the friends or acquaintances in my life.  They have been out of my life for well over a year.  Except for the other day, someone stopped by that didn't know that I was in recovery and before I had the chance to tell them they asked if I wanted to get high.  I of course said NO and explained to them.  They had been a friend to me for many years while I was using and when I wasn't using.  They apologized to me and said they felt terrible for asking.  I know they truly did, I know they would have never asked if they would have known about me being in treatment.  I had NO desire at all to use.  In fact I had forgotten all about that until just now...and that was about a week ago.

I also have been thinking that once I get down to... I don't know maybe between 25 and 50 I will reevaluate my whole plan.  From how fast I am dosing down to everything about the way I am dosing down.  Once I get to that point I will see how I feel then and figure it out according to how I feel at that point.  I hear some people talking about tapering down then jumping over to Suboxone or Subutex or something...they have told me that it is easier to dose off of that.  Is there any truth to that?? Just curious. 

Thank you for the advice mythoughts2, wayovermyhead, and 15yrsplusonmmt!! Thank you for all of you help!! You gave me some stuff to think about.

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the elephantman

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#53 [url]

Jul 27 13 9:53 PM

@ninny: You ask if anyone has suggestions.... This forum can be a great replacement for those "meetings" your referring to. All the support you could ever ask for is right here at the DAWG.

And as for you being told its easier to come off suboxone/subutex, absolutely NOT.... IMO, its just as bad. The withdrawal from buprenorphine is no fun at all. Maybe if you do a short taper with bupe it would be a bit easier. In fact, i have heard of this method being used when getting off methadone.

Goodluck on your journey!!

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mythoughts2

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#54 [url]

Jul 28 13 3:03 AM

I think whether it is easier to come out of bupe is really dependent on a lot of factors and varies between people. I took it YEARS ago - before it was even legal for addiction, came in green gels that were square shaped and there was no mixture of naloxone in it. It was purely for pain and had only been on the market for a short time for that. I can't remember much about that time so I'm not much help but people speak to a doctor if you want to think about it - don't take word from  people in the clinic line (about anything - people at the clinic often play the same 'who's the bigger dope friend' game that you saw in NA. Very immature.

There are MA meetings - Methadone Anon. You can find meetings and forums online. I've never been to them. Some have no similarly to the 12 steps and others are based on the 12 steps but are for people on MMT and getting off of MMT. Just like NA you will have to find a group that has the mix of people and ideology you fit in with.

Do you have a clinic counselor you like? Sometimes they have private practices outside of the clinic and will see you that way. Or, does your clinic have a bulletin board? Often that is a good place to find services available in your area.

If you are financially able, look for addiction treatment counselors in your area or a nearby major city. Just keep looking - we are out there!


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wayovermyhead

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#55 [url]

Jul 28 13 4:09 AM

I took suboxone before it was on market too it was sub-lingual lemon flavored pills and I think it was only ten of them costing nine hundred dollars...A detox doctor administered them and it was by far the easiest opiate detox I ever went thru....but the four days before I was dying.....and this is why that doctor did this for me as I was too sick and too damn much for their staff to deal with.  They had never used it before at this detox and there were mixed feelings by the staff and patients that I was being monitored and treated differently.....

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reviewsatisfaction

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#56 [url]

Jul 28 13 12:41 PM



There are as many reasons that many stories shared are not the same but in most regard the conclusions are the same if you are an addict. Jail ,Institutions and Death are more likely the outcome. Being 37, and in jail I was told I was  a "career drug addict"
I heard this when I had that jail time and was having to detox cold turkey off 75 mgs of methadone along with many xanax, I took day and night along with a methadone cocktail made for me at the pain clinic I went to and God only knows what other ingredients were in it.
So to say I was definitely getting blasted with that and shooting heroin and dilaudid to boot. I felt no real blocking dose or that cocktail I was getting sure made it impossible to see that methadone was nothing more at that time in my life than part of a combination of many drugs I was taking.
 I was feeling pretty dang good as an addict sometimes it is a crazy life to lead. One of regret and if your lucky remorse when you DO find the truth in your own story and change..  
But I just about fell out of my CHAIR when the Dr in the infirmary said I was a "career drug addict" at 37
Oh, I thought I was so much more, after all I worked and had a home and coached my daughter's softball team had my family cooked, looked good,worked thought I could fool everyone including myself. .
 After coming back from 4 times after me leaving MMT programs or it being taken from me.
So quitting and walking away from my dose as well as going to jail and having all the drugs I was using taken from me did not make me see any light or even feel bad mentally as in feeling sorry for myself or showing any weakness in jail, as I felt sicker than death itself at times. coming in 2nd to the other 2 times. along with being dope sick..2 many times to think of.... I deserved to feel bad I wasn't stupid mb You play with fire, you get burned You do dope all your life, you die.
As much as I put my body through and my mind and when I opened my eyes nothing felt as bad to me then knowing he was right.... I was a "Career drug addict" that hurt me deeply where I thought I could not feel.
 it was my wake up call and made me see things a little more clearer as each day passed.
. I was not working the program as I should have and now that I am..and with those words he said 7 yrs went by before I am where I am today. A vicious cycle...sucks you down like a under tow in the water.
 
Taking it as serious as each day I have to live now. II am here today to tell it over and to remember......I never want to feel that way again.If I ever do leave this program which I doubt,

Physically or mentally I need methadone in my life until I learn how to start to live my life without drugs.As I see it now methadone is my life preserver It keeps me from drowning from what I can't do alone. And I will not die with a needle in my arm because I too feel nothing put repulsive today when I think about it. I am not strong enough for tomorrow or what it may bring. .

But let something happen in my life then I can not do this alone, it can all go downhill then. 
 I must seek out others for peace, guidance love and understanding. Then open the flood gates cuz I have years of tears still in me..

One last note to my memoirs..This is just part of my story nothing pertains to you Ninny, because we are all different in the way we got where we are and how we mange to get through it without the terrible 3's shown above.
 My last memory of this person I am keeping from clawing its way out again was in a enabling relationship..
 I have been with this man for 38 years (married) and 2 years living with him when I got my first apartment at 15 yr old We started down this road together except he had mental and now physical problems I love him and will stand by him....and he loves me  He is on his own he laid it all down years ago
 I love the song WHY by the lead singer of the group  Eurythmics....Have a listen to it

Sorry I drifted from my last point...many people find it hard to continue through the detox for such a small amount of methadone and leave without really following clinic guide lines 
So please find a back up plan many psychiatrists are able to write for methadone and are approved by insurance companies.
If money begins to play into this factor for you contact me or anyone else in here to help you steer clear from going through something that may just defeat your whole purpose.

Love and Peace
Review 



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sapphire76

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#57 [url]

Jul 29 13 4:21 AM

Thanks for sharing @review.

I can't really say what spurred me onto getting into recovery, I had hit what the NA'ers love to call "Rock Bottom" about a year before started to change my life, and it wasn't even a conscious decision, just something that gradually happened iyswim?

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sapphire76

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#58 [url]

Jul 29 13 4:33 AM

MY husband has come of both bupe and methadone, and said that tapering off methadone was far better than coming off bupe.

With the methadone he tapered down to 1mg a day, then did 1mg every other day for a week, then every other, other day and then stopped and was a little "off" bit nothing major.

When he tapered from bupe, the lowest increment they do over here is a 0.4mg tablet, so he was having to faff about with pill cutters or crushing it into power and weighing it which he found a total PITA.

He also said that when he actually stopped the bupe, he really noticed it, much more so than the methadone. Not so much in a physical way, but he said it was mentally very weird.

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sapphire76

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#59 [url]

Jul 29 13 4:37 AM

    @ninny: You ask if anyone has suggestions.... This forum can be a great replacement for those "meetings" your referring to. All the support you could ever ask for is right here at the DAWG.
And as for you being told its easier to come off suboxone/subutex, absolutely NOT.... IMO, its just as bad. The withdrawal from buprenorphine is no fun at all. Maybe if you do a short taper with bupe it would be a bit easier. In fact, i have heard of this method being used when getting off methadone.
Goodluck on your journey!!

-the_elephantman

@Eman - boards like the Dawg that have a community of regular posters that know each other well are a great substitute for meetings.

Plus you can talk about anything you like without some asswipe that keeps butting in and interrupting you!!

@Ninny - on the MSO boards they do online Methadone Anonymous meetings, I don't know if that would be of any interest to you?
Scroll down the link and you'll find a thread called MA Meetings;

http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=10613&category=24627


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sapphire76

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#60 [url]

Jul 29 13 4:53 AM

   
@my you always offer such great info and advice thanking you....

-wayovermyhead

Also, Subutex can be better than Suboxone as it has a little less side effects. Suboxone can make people very jittery and anxious, whereas Subutex does not seem to do that.

Not sure why, I guess it's to do with the Naloxone.

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