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terribletony

Posts: 76 Member Since:08/24/12

#81 [url]

Dec 22 12 1:09 PM

@sapphire, @eman, Why are u 2 coming down so hard on@lquaresimo? He is obviously new to the forum with only 8 posts. I mean give the guy a break, your'e gonna scare him off. eman, to say he is fixated on bumthat is a little dramatic. And sapphire, theres obviously sarcasm in your comment to lquaresimo, maybe he did read the thread and misunderstood it. I'm commenting because he is new to the forum and I think you 2 were too harsh on him, thats all. Its nothing personal. Have a nice day.

And lquarismo, any addict knows why that is!! Bc the dope was more important than anything else. Its called active addiction. Ur quite fixated on bumthat right??

No disrespect but im tryin to understand where ur coming from.

-the_elephantman


You obviously haven't read the wole thread, as if you had you would see that @bumthat is now abstinent and looking for support in that area.

-sapphire76

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wayovermyhead

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#82 [url]

Dec 22 12 5:26 PM

@terribletony....Sapphire nor eman are really calling @lquaresimo down but it was he that was being un-empathetic to bumthat regarding dope money etc... even stating he himself has suffered no "rock bottom"  etc so therefore not really understanding that position.....Have you actually read the entire post????  ..You might wanna read the entire thread and as you can see no one has any bad attitude especially sapphire nor eman who happen to be very empathetic and respond very well to newcomers etc......

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wayovermyhead

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#83 [url]

Dec 22 12 5:30 PM

Just checking in. Fell off the wagon for a few days since it was my birthday but I'm staying clean now. Don't feel bad or nothing. Do crave but I'm staying strong! I guess the Mayans were wrong since the world didn't end and we all are still here lol!

-bumthat

Sorry to hear that...just get back on and consider it another chapter....you will in time get it if you keep pulling yourself up by your bootstraps....Good luck and from every mistake you must learn a lesson or you are bound to repeat it....Keep your chin up the holidays are especially hard for us...I know for myself they are...usually if I suffer relapses it is indeed a holiday or near one....  30 years experience in that comment...

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webwolf1

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#84 [url]

Dec 22 12 6:50 PM

    Just checking in. Fell off the wagon for a few days since it was my birthday but I'm staying clean now. Don't feel bad or nothing. Do crave but I'm staying strong! I guess the Mayans were wrong since the world didn't end and we all are still here lol!

-bumthat

....... HOWS It going Bumthat. With all due respect, My Birthday was last Thursday, and I Stayed Clean,,   I am really just Totaly Confused by what ever you got going on Bum., The last I heard was that you were saying that your Dad was going to provide for you some help, If you would be willing to stop taking anything. Then I read where you had gone several days off of everything, and  for some strange reason, It would seem that you had gotten clean, and were not feeling any Withdrawels, , so you were good to go.After that you posted that you were not going to have the money you needed to pay for your methadone, so you had decided to score some Dope to get through the week-end so you could work.,   I really hahe problems trying to get my head around that one, that you you can hussle up some money to cop some dope, but never can do any thing to get your Methadone,  I really dont know Bum, I dont mean this as a put down, but everthing you are saying from week to week,and Day, By Day sounds like nothing more to me but One Giant Mixed Message., With that being said  What do you really want to do?  At some point you are going to have to quit riding that fence, and make some choices reguarding your life, and weather or not you think its worth saving !!! If you do, You are going to have to quit playing musical chairs, and really get down to buissness. This is only my opinion, but At this Point, I dont think you are even near ready to take this on.You are still just playing around.  I hope If the time does come and you are ready to Recover, Its not to late..Addiction reminds me of the times in my life when where ever I was living, had Rats getting in, and I had to bait, and put out those big swing bar traps. I would bait them with cheese, and the next morning when I would go to check on them somtimes the trap would still be set, but the cheese would be gone.,..Sometimes that Senearo would present it-self for several nights, Until one Morning I would go to check the Traps when I approached that stubborn one There laying accross the wooden platform of the trap with the traps swing bar Crushing the out of lucky chances rats head. That ordeal always reminded me of the Disease of Addiction. Every time a Addict takes the risk of shooting some Dope, He, Or She might get away with it a hundred times in a row, When The User shoots that Herion for the 101 Time Its to much, and the Addict OD's and Dye's, Just like the hungrey Rats near perfect Agenda, The Drug Addicts Constant Craving for Opiates is left with a near perfect record of drug abuse ,until that one Dredded Day that  their Serial Killer in their Disease of Addiction, comes calling !!!,....Good Luck Bumthat, I Hope you will really look at the Reality your in, and choose to Surrender to the concept of recovery, and by doing so you can save your life., Its Time Bum, It really is time to either Shit, or get off the pot.,..Take

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wayovermyhead

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#85 [url]

Dec 22 12 7:38 PM

Whether someone takes their methadone money and uses or their bill money and uses....Relapses on holidays or on an ordinary day.....Makes promises to their daddy, then breaks them etc....it is all the same.  An addict doing something that is more normal than staying sober.....Most of us have done one or the other or all the above several if not many times before we GOT IT....some get it quicker than others.....

Is that so hard to compute or understand???  .I can't get my head wrapped around why this is so hard to believe...Had I been on methadone...maybe I too would have used my clinic money to get high a few times..Oh wait hang on...I did.  I used Opanas for several months during my induction phase and also.I know for sure I made promises to my family I would stop and I broke those promises.....

One other thing I know for sure is I nor too many addicts I knew/know ever got shamed into doing the right thing....I never quit relapsing because someone on a MMT forum shamed me for relapsing on my clinic money or question my motives on the forum or try to make me look foolish because I spent my methadone money on dope or broke promises to stop to any family member.....

Is @bumthat doing less drugs than before MMT?  Yes......Keep trying if at first you don't succeed..

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bumthat

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Posts: 120 Member Since:10/15/12

#86 [url]

Dec 22 12 8:14 PM

I didn't spend any money someone just gave me a little bag for my birthday. I did a little bit which was 2 times so wasn't much. But I'm fine now don't wanna go back down that road. It's nice to sleep good and wake up and not need anything nor worrying about getting money for it. I'm not doing anymore cause then I will end up with a habit. Still need to go by the clinic and pay them the $24 I owe them. Just cause I'm not in MMT anymore doesn't mean I won't be posting. Just don't wanna end up back in it for the 3rd time. I honestly just can't be on methadone for long periods of time. But that's me everyone is different.

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sapphire76

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#87 [url]

Dec 23 12 7:07 AM

    @terribletony....Sapphire nor eman are really calling @lquaresimo down but it was he that was being un-empathetic to bumthat regarding dope money etc... even stating he himself has suffered no "rock bottom"  etc so therefore not really understanding that position.....Have you actually read the entire post????  ..You might wanna read the entire thread and as you can see no one has any bad attitude especially sapphire nor eman who happen to be very empathetic and respond very well to newcomers etc......

-wayovermyhead

Exactly. Thanks Way. I posted what I did because I felt he was having a pop at Bumthat, which was really uncalled for. It's getting like you can't say anything on here without someone getting offended. :(

@Bumthat - don't sweat it. So you slipped up once, big deal. As long as you realise it was a slip and don't let it turn into a full on relapse (which it easily can)..

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sapphire76

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#88 [url]

Dec 23 12 7:11 AM

    @sapphire, @eman, Why are u 2 coming down so hard on@lquaresimo? He is obviously new to the forum with only 8 posts. I mean give the guy a break, your'e gonna scare him off. eman, to say he is fixated on bumthat is a little dramatic. And sapphire, theres obviously sarcasm in your comment to lquaresimo, maybe he did read the thread and misunderstood it. I'm commenting because he is new to the forum and I think you 2 were too harsh on him, thats all. Its nothing personal. Have a nice day.

-terribletony

Perhaps someone new to the forum might get on better by introducing themeslves and their situation before starting harping on at one of the longer standing members?!

There is no way I would join a forum and start immediately making judgement about things, it's just not the way to ingratiate yourself with the existing forum members.

And actually I wasn't even being sarcastic, I was just commenting, as the poster obviously hadn't read the thread at all.

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the elephantman

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Posts: 802 Member Since:08/30/11

#89 [url]

Dec 23 12 7:35 AM

Bumthat, everyone makes mistakes. U seem in good spirits about it so im hoping ur able to keep moving forward an not let this slip be anything more. Good job coming here talking about it. Hope things get better for u!! Holidays most definitely can be tough.

Thank U, sapphire!! I felt exactly the same and although my comment could have been percieved a bit more aggressive, i was just frustrated at the thought somebody would come here immediately callin somebody out about somethin they clearly didnt even understand. Had lquasimo read the thread ONLY 2POST ABOVE HIS/HER OWN, HE/SHE WOULDA SEEN BUMTHAT WAS TRYING ABSTINANCE. So as easy as it was to see just 2post up from his/her post that bumthat just made the comment about no methadone no dope etc., it only brought into question lquarsimos' motives. And i felt he/she just kept on and on about it.

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webwolf1

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#90 [url]

Dec 23 12 3:23 PM

   
Exactly. Thanks Way. I posted what I did because I felt he was having a pop at Bumthat, which was really uncalled for. It's getting like you can't say anything on here without someone getting offended. :(
@Bumthat - don't sweat it. So you slipped up once, big deal. As long as you realise it was a slip and don't let it turn into a full on relapse (which it easily can)..

-sapphire76

   ..Before I Write this Post, I just wanted to be clear about How I really do want to see Bumthat get his shit together, and persue what ever treatment he seems to make the most progress with. With that being said, I Dont think Bumthat has anything to be concerned about, as far as his most recent slip turning into a full blown Relapse !!! As far back as I can see, Bumthat, has'nt qualified in being in recovery to start with, !!! Except for the couple of times, He Swore off using all Drugs because He was not getting enough hours on his Job,to be able to buy them !! Those situations proved to be short lived, seeing that just a few days later, Bum was back Posting all about his reasons for choosing to buy, and use street Drugs, Opposed to paying for, and continue to stay in MMT !!!  Bum, It would seem that, According to your most recent posts on the reasons behind your last Binge had something to do with it being your Birthday.I was'nt trying to come across as being some sort of Smart, Ass by what I Posted about that, !!  The Truth is Last thursday really was my BirthDay, and I Really did get through it without having to Use,!!!I did not post that to be smart,I was just Using myself as a Example of not having to Get Loaded for any reason,!!! The Bottom Line is, people like you and I, dont need A excuse. We use Drugs, Simply because Thats What Drug Addicts DO !!! Bumthat, You have alot of Support Surrounding you here on this Site!!  I hope and Pray that Circumstances will soon Gently Box you into a Position where you Can Really sit down, and look at your life Honestly and then be able to Decide for Yourself what Course Best Suits Your Needs and Hopefully Helps In Saving Your Life When That Time Comes,

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terribletony

Posts: 76 Member Since:08/24/12

#91 [url]

Dec 23 12 3:45 PM

@terribletony....Sapphire nor eman are really calling @lquaresimo down but it was he that was being un-empathetic to bumthat regarding dope money etc... even stating he himself has suffered no "rock bottom"  etc so therefore not really understanding that position.....Have you actually read the entire post????  ..You might wanna read the entire thread and as you can see no one has any bad attitude especially sapphire nor eman who happen to be very empathetic and respond very well to newcomers etc......

-wayovermyhead

@way, Yeah, I read the entire post, twice in fact. I get it, I got it the first time. @ dharma said to @bum "why do u have enough $ to buy dope and not enough to pay mmt,?" Alquaresimo simply said that he was wondering the same thing, big deal, it was just a comment. And I still say you all are too harsh on @lquaresimo, and @eman, if you would have paid closer attention to what @lquaresimo said you would not have to say" he/she ", because HE just RECENTLY in Nov. of this year lost HIS wife! Which is another reason I thought you all were harsh on him. As I said before, nothing personal. And I do not think @lquaresimo was HARPING, as @ sapph said, he was simply giving his opinion. So, @way, your condescending comment: " Did you read the entire thread?????????????," was uncalled for. There is not even one thing that you said to me that has any merit whatsoever. Nothing personal. Have a nice day.

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terribletony

Posts: 76 Member Since:08/24/12

#92 [url]

Dec 23 12 4:07 PM


....... HOWS It going Bumthat. With all due respect, My Birthday was last Thursday, and I Stayed Clean,,   I am really just Totaly Confused by what ever you got going on Bum., The last I heard was that you were saying that your Dad was going to provide for you some help, If you would be willing to stop taking anything. Then I read where you had gone several days off of everything, and  for some strange reason, It would seem that you had gotten clean, and were not feeling any Withdrawels, , so you were good to go.After that you posted that you were not going to have the money you needed to pay for your methadone, so you had decided to score some Dope to get through the week-end so you could work.,   I really hahe problems trying to get my head around that one, that you you can hussle up some money to cop some dope, but never can do any thing to get your Methadone,  I really dont know Bum, I dont mean this as a put down, but everthing you are saying from week to week,and Day, By Day sounds like nothing more to me but One Giant Mixed Message., With that being said  What do you really want to do?  At some point you are going to have to quit riding that fence, and make some choices reguarding your life, and weather or not you think its worth saving !!! If you do, You are going to have to quit playing musical chairs, and really get down to buissness. This is only my opinion, but At this Point, I dont think you are even near ready to take this on.You are still just playing around.  I hope If the time does come and you are ready to Recover, Its not to late..Addiction reminds me of the times in my life when where ever I was living, had Rats getting in, and I had to bait, and put out those big swing bar traps. I would bait them with cheese, and the next morning when I would go to check on them somtimes the trap would still be set, but the cheese would be gone.,..Sometimes that Senearo would present it-self for several nights, Until one Morning I would go to check the Traps when I approached that stubborn one There laying accross the wooden platform of the trap with the traps swing bar Crushing the out of lucky chances rats head. That ordeal always reminded me of the Disease of Addiction. Every time a Addict takes the risk of shooting some Dope, He, Or She might get away with it a hundred times in a row, When The User shoots that Herion for the 101 Time Its to much, and the Addict OD's and Dye's, Just like the hungrey Rats near perfect Agenda, The Drug Addicts Constant Craving for Opiates is left with a near perfect record of drug abuse ,until that one Dredded Day that  their Serial Killer in their Disease of Addiction, comes calling !!!,....Good Luck Bumthat, I Hope you will really look at the Reality your in, and choose to Surrender to the concept of recovery, and by doing so you can save your life., Its Time Bum, It really is time to either Shit, or get off the pot.,..Take

-webwolf1


@webwolf1, I just want to say that I agree with what you are saying. Is it harsh?, yes it is, sometimes love must be tough. The bible says, the truth shall set you free. Now, I noticed that @way made a comment saying something to the effect that no-one needs to be shamed into doing the right thing, she didnt mention any names so I cant say for sure who she is referring to, but my intention is not to shame anyone and I agree with her on that. I dont think youare either. I just wanted to say to you that I think you are right on about what you had to say to @ bum and I support you. Thats all. Have a nice day.

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wayovermyhead

Posts: 4,350 Member Since:07/16/11

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#93 [url]

Dec 23 12 4:15 PM


So, @way, your condescending comment: " Did you read the entire thread?????????????," was uncalled for. There is not even one thing that you said to me that has any merit whatsoever. Nothing personal. Have a nice day.

-terribletony

Condescending?  I was "really" under the impression (not being fresh) you had not read the whole thread because if so I was thinking the same as you....your post really had no merit.....Nothing personal either...I know you think I am being condescending there also, but I can't think of any other way to explain what I wrote without telling you exactly what I was thinking when I read your post and that being I truly said to myself......TT must not have read the entire threads cause this doesn't make any sense (same as no merit to explain why I wrote the word merit above) 

Furthermore just because I asked you if you had read the entire post...I am unsure why you thought that was an offensive question unless like you said you thought I was being condescending...but I wasn't.  I thought maybe you had indeed misunderstood Eman and Sapphire because I knew that neither one of them are ever really confrontational etc....

Nothing about my post was meant to offend...I actually thought maybe you missed something and if you went back and read the entire thread you would see.  I didn't realize we had become offensive and/or defensive with each other...  Hope that clears up any misunderstanding because you totally misunderstood the connotation that I was asking to be a smart ass...I have at times been guilty of saying something and then reading further back in a thread and realizing that I missed or misunderstood something....And I have had people bring this to my attention and then done the same minus the assumption they were being condescending...I actually saw it that I must have missed something...

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terribletony

Posts: 76 Member Since:08/24/12

#94 [url]

Dec 23 12 4:31 PM


Condescending?  I was "really" under the impression (not being fresh) you had not read the whole thread because if so I was thinking the same as you....your post really had no merit.....Nothing personal either...I know you think I am being condescending there also, but I can't think of any other way to explain what I wrote without telling you exactly what I was thinking when I read your post and that being I truly said to myself......TT must not have read the entire threads cause this doesn't make any sense (same as no merit to explain why I wrote the word merit above) 
Furthermore just because I asked you if you had read the entire post...I am unsure why you thought that was an offensive question unless like you said you thought I was being condescending...but I wasn't.  I thought maybe you had indeed misunderstood Eman and Sapphire because I knew that neither one of them are ever really confrontational etc....
Nothing about my post was meant to offend...I actually thought maybe you missed something and if you went back and read the entire thread you would see.  I didn't realize we had become offensive and/or defensive with each other...  Hope that clears up any misunderstanding because you totally misunderstood the connotation that I was asking to be a smart ass...I have at times been guilty of saying something and then reading further back in a thread and realizing that I missed or misunderstood something....And I have had people bring this to my attention and then done the same minus the assumption they were being condescending...I actually saw it that I must have missed something...

-wayovermyhead

@way My bad. I can sometimes be defensive. I apolagize. I misunderstood you.

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wayovermyhead

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#99 [url]

Dec 24 12 2:57 PM


Yeah, life is full of drama. Do you have a point?

-terribletony

A little intrigued myself TT

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bumthat

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#100 [url]

Dec 24 12 7:40 PM

One thing that really made me want to quit was seeing how slowly I was loosing everything I have had as family and possessions. Also being around some people and seeing what the look like and how they live day to day was a real eye opener. By that I mean no offense to anyone by I don't wanna get so bad off that I have to resort to so crazy things and live like some people I have met. I really see how thing can just spin out of control and sometimes you don't realize it till its almost to late and then it's really tough to get back to where your were before. I know that all these people I have met and seen really aren't happy in their lifestyle but are so consumed by addiction that they don't want to change bad enough and get help.

I even met a real pretty girl who is 21 and we hung out a few times but she is starting to get out of control. I feel so bad for her and want to help her but I can't make her stop. She would be so much prettier, wonderful singer, and a lot good things she could do but she loves shooting dope so much she just won't stop. Went to a movie and she knodded out the whole time during the movie she had no idea what was going on. Her hands are swollen from missing shot and has so many track marks on them it's really not hard to tell what they are. She is a great person but dope has such a hold on her I don't know what I could do and it's sad. She is so young to it sucks. I don't want someone else to look at me in the same way and I'm sure some do which makes me feel bad. I had so much going for me and I've slowly shot it in my veins.

Yeah the high is great but when I began doing oxy's what I loved so much about them was the euphoric feeling and rush of energy I had to conquer anything. I always got high on opiates when I worked cause I would be in a good mood serving that I would make so much money because I talked a lot with my guests sometimes joking with them and also my shifts especially doubles on the weekends would go by so quick. I did get high when I was off but I would literally save most of my pills for when I was to work next. When I started doing dope because pills up her were $1 a mg unlike in florida dope was the cheaper option especially once I was hooked. I remember just snorting a bump and knodding out while taking orders but they never noticed. I always snort my pills but snorting dope quickly builds up a tolerance that I needed so much more it was just to expensive. Then someone showed me how to shoot up and gave me new rigs and I was done for. I could shoot up so easy at first but my inner elbow hunny holes slowly got to where they wouldn't work well and had to resort to my wrist then to my hands. Once it got to where I missed a few times and my hands were just so swollen I just had to stop. I'm really to scared to shoot up anymore cause its so hard and I don't wanna miss. To scared to go to my feet or legs and definitely the jugular which I seem done and scared the shit out of me. On my birthday I had to have someone do it for me and they took forever and drove me nuts cause I didn't want to waste the shot plus I just wanted them to finish.

I'm still gonna have to slowly get back to where I use to be but I just got to do it the best I can and once I get there I'm gonna be so much happier. I really appreciate everyone's support. It really does help. I have been single since my divorce got lucky a few times and one of those times was my birthday. But when I think about it what nice pretty girl would want to date me as a junkie? None. I know I wouldn't because be to tempted to do some and wouldn't be a good relationship.

I guess I can just chalk it up to a experience that makes me appreciate not going back to those ways because during those times I really wasn't happy at all. I really rather be happy than high on dope regardless how good it feels. Knowing I have money for food, bills, cigs, and to buy things I want. Knowing I'm not gonna wake up feeling sick hoping I can find dope ASAP! Making sure I have enough for work and if I get a long enough break to get more for the next shift also while hoping I make enough to score and pay my bills plus gas. It's a full time job that no one really wants. I am embarrassed that my family knows about all of this because I don't want them to look at me as the junkie of the family. Not a good feeling. Sorry for the long post.

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