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briton32

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Posts: 287 Member Since: 02/23/10

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Dec 8 14 3:04 PM

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Wow I am so happy to see people back on the dog posting and such.. There was such a long lull in that for whatever reason and I was one of those who participated in that lull which I am sorry for..

Anyways I thought I would take a few minutes and check in and let everyone know whats been going on in my life. first off I have been dealing with some major health issues for the last few months. I am just so over feeling so bad all the time. It truly sucks. Sucks worse because we cant figure out WHY i am feeling this bad all the time.. Like the doctor and I talked about my last visit its just not normal to be sick without repreive as I have been.  As some of the old timers here already know I have dealt with chronic daily headaches for well over 12 yrs. There is NEVER a moment of any day that my head doesnt hurt or that the pain is below a 6-7 on the 0-10 pain scale( 0 being no pain at all and 10 being worst pain ever) and then I have days where calling my headache a 10 would be like comparing an amputation to a hang nail. Those bad days can last anywhere from 8hrs to 8+ days. Its affected my thought process, my memory, my functioning on a normal level. I will be talking to someone and want to say something and it be right there but I just cant quite bring it to the forefront. Ive learned to deal with the headaches when they are my "normal" ones the best I can by going on about life and pretending its not as bad as it truly is. Because lets face it people get sick of hearing "oh my head hurts" all the time. As far as the bad days I dont think there is a way to get used to those. I just do my very best to get through them with hot showers and baths, excedrine which is my new doc, and sleep.. I have been to so many different neurologists and every single time I have left in tears because everytime its the same thing. They dont listen when I tell them its NOT migraines!! That I have had migraines in the past.. Had really bad ones as a teen and into my early 20's and still actually have 1-2 every year so I KNOW the difference . I try to explain to them the neck pain I also deal with and the botched surgery to remove my tonsils and adnoids i had as a kid, the ct scan that showed I had significant straightening of my cervical spine over 16yrs ago and yet I still get sent away with damn migraine prevention meds and migraine relief meds that dont work when you DO NOT have a migraine.. Then just over a year and a half ago I started dealing with severe joint pain and some mild swelling of the joints. I just didnt feel good.

Then here back in the summer I started having new symptoms. I am exhausted ALL THE TIME!!! Something as simple as walking from my living room to my kitchen(I dont live in a mansion lol) leaves me short of breath, my heart beating funny, weak and sometimes dizzy. I made an appt to see a cardiologist who couldnt find anything in office so he set me up to have a nuclear stress echo a week later but I never made it to the appt. I started having really bad chest pains like someone had parked a truck on my chest and I was majorly short of breath, nauseated and had pain radiating down my left arm.. All classic signs of a heart attack that I was taught in nursing school. So ofcourse I  go straight to the er where I was admitted despite my ekg and cardiac enzymes being ok(Thank god for that atleast) and  they did the nuclear stress test there at the hospital while i was there which I passed. despite me crying and begging the cardio doctor to keep me and run more tests because its NOT normal to feel as bad as I did then and still do he sent me home.  and here I am.. Still having bouts of bad chest pain, I have literally passed out 3 different times twice in my yard once in the living room. my hands are so swollen I cant make a fist most of the time, my joints feel like they are being twisted out of their sockets and I have no answers. Life is a mess for me because well everything is such an effort. just taking a shower leads me to having to sit down in the tub midway through or i wouldnt be able to finish it. My house is a disaster area and well it just sucks to be me right now.. I really want answers and I am hoping that getting to Vanderbilt University hospital in Nashville,TN will finally yeild me some answers.

 So anyways thats why I havent been around  to post much and if its a week or so in between my visits then its most likely because I dont feel well.. 

 In other not so depressing news my daughter Kelsi graduates Magna Cum Laude from  the University of Tennessee with a bachelors in education this coming Saturday.. I am sooo very proud of her she has worked soo hard to get through college and fulfill her dreams and I couldnt ask for anymore than that.. She is also getting married to an amazing guy on May 30th of this coming year. He graduates from The University of Tennessee in may himself with a bachelors of education.. Its bittersweet though her graduating and getting married because well she is baby girl, my first born. I got pregnant with her on my highschool graduation night when I was just 17 so we sort of grew up together. What makes all that bittersweet is because in late July or August of this coming year her and her husband will be packing up and moving to NYC.. She will be attending graduate school at NYU which is another great honor for her. 

 I still have my baby boy at home for now though.. He just turned 17 in september and is a junior in highschool so i atleast got another year with him. and  thank god this school year is going MUCH better than last year where he got into legal trouble a couple times one he was actually in the wrong on and the other which would have meant 2 felonies on his juvie record was just on the word of another kid despite the fact he was home with both his parents the night in question.. I am glad i stuck to my guns and fought that one..

anyways sorry for the novel.. Ill post again soon.. Take care and I have truly missed you guys..
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sapphire76

Posts: 3,678 Member Since:02/22/10

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#1 [url]

Dec 9 14 5:56 AM

I'm glad to se you back Briton, and sorry that you're suffering like this. I am going through something similar, and trying to explain to people that these are NOT damn migraines is like banging your head against a brick wall!!

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wayovermyhead

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#2 [url]

Dec 14 14 11:19 PM

Oh I promise to come back to this and respond..I am super busy and got a lot to say so watch for my response.

I am so sorry everyone seems to be affected in different ways what the hell is going on with the Moon??

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1eyejack

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Posts: 1 Member Since:12/26/14

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Dec 26 14 2:26 PM

Hi People

I also missed you guys- -long story...Some day I,ll get into the whole deal (maybe) - but to keep it short,,I got off mdone after 30plusyrs.
For 12 months I went thru more pain,discomfort,and drama than I could write about.-After back surgery, months of pain management and finally a 6 month savage run on the streets (again)- Im back on a klinic. Not the one on 125th st in NYC- the one I was on for 30 plus yrs) BUT 1 in NJ where I now live. -
-Living w/hep-c....haven't had a legal income in 2 years. Probably since the last time I was on this forum.- Things have been very tough but slowly been getting better, Its taking time,because I so totally fucked things up. Why did I think I needed to get off Mdone?? I really dont know... Split with long time G/F- battled all kinds of psychological nonsense,moved to Connecticut....etc..etc...wound up a 58 yr old heroin addict running like I was 30 yrs old again

Jeez- I musta had a thousand posts-  I see the site has changed ,I forgot passwords and even how to naviagate around. Well,its probably good that Im starting all over again...
Anyway- -to all of you guys who are still around and remember me- and those that dont- - Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year
Love & light
jack (1eye)image

Last Edited By: 1eyejack Dec 26 14 2:40 PM. Edited 2 times.

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wayovermyhead

Posts: 4,350 Member Since:07/16/11

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#4 [url]

Dec 26 14 8:42 PM

Welcome back to the forum...

Hey and relapse well sometimes that just happens you know....Have you ever noticed though that people who are in Methadone Maintenance usually don't relapse unless they stop MMT or they decrease their dose....WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  To me the message I get is that MMT WORK's.  


I am thankful that you made it back to MMT.  I have lost some friends 2014 that did not ever get to MMT or they relapsed and did not get back on MMT sooner than death took them.  So seeing you back here and hearing you are back in MMT well guess what???  Well more than likely Heroin ain't gonna kill you.  So I totally rejoice in your return.  Hang out with us...Share some stories that will assure my staying on MMT.  So glad to see you on here I have wondered about you a few times so its wonderful to hear from you.

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kar92

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Posts: 60 Member Since:02/12/11

#5 [url]

Dec 29 14 3:04 AM

RE: missed you guys

Welcome back, 1eyejack, that sure is a cute picture, is it you? :)

Just wondered if you know about the new drugs they have out now for HepC?  I guess it's probably posted in quite a few other places on the Forum here but there is an option to do the new combo drugs with or without Interferon.  The 2 ppl I know who are on the new combination drugs , 1 of the guys is also using the Interferon, and the other is not.. My old friend from 40 years ago did the traditional really TOUGH treatment back when it was first out and has been free of any trace of the Virus for over 10 years now... My other friend who is not using the Interferon is on the one called "Harvoni" and there is another article in the NYTimes about how it can't be called an "orphan drug" (which means one which is used /developed for only a very few people)  because there are so many HepC victims that to have everyone get their treatment funded under that "Orphan Drug" program would bankrupt SOMETHING or SOME AGENCY, obviously I don't remember what.

So glad U R back on the Forum, and hope you will be feeling lots better every day.

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briton32

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Posts: 287 Member Since:02/23/10

#7 [url]

Dec 30 14 11:54 AM

hey Jack... Welcome back not only to the dawg but to life!!!! I am so glad you found your way back to the clinic. I would truly hate to read somewhere that you had passed due to being back in the lifestyle.. I dont know why after so many years of being on it we get the thought in our head to quit.. I mean its worked for so long why screw with it.. I personally KNOW that if i came off I would have to go onto pain management and while i would like to think I could "handle" it I KNOW better.. so here i am going into year 12 come febuary 5th(my 11yr anniver. on the clinic) But there are times where I get the thoughts that I am so sick to death of the clinic and all the money I am spending every month.. and how I dont have a car and cant afford i new one right now and how if i wasnt on the clinic that $360 a spend every 4 weeks would be a nice car payment. But Then i have to remember no use to have a car if i am dead.. which I know i would be if i went back to the lifestyle..

Anyways welcome back Jack!! I am sooo glad to see you..

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sapphire76

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Jan 2 15 7:12 AM

I have 22 years now in treatment, but only about 7 or 8 in actual recovery. Such a shame that all that time in treatment was wasted because of a Dr that didn't know about adequate dosing. :(

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briton32

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Posts: 287 Member Since:02/23/10

#10 [url]

Jan 20 15 1:40 PM

Mike75 are you still in Tennessee at the clinic in Paris? After 3 years you should be getting monthlies.. are you eligible and just choosing to get 2weeks or did you move?

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sapphire76

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Jan 21 15 8:10 AM

Are you feeling any better Briton? I am having so many health issues that I am having to consider stopping work, as it's just too tiring for me, and I'm in too much pain all the time but I can't really take all my pain meds at work as they make me look spaced out. Really don't want to stop work though. :(

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briton32

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Posts: 287 Member Since:02/23/10

#12 [url]

Jan 23 15 11:54 AM

sapphire76 wrote:
Are you feeling any better Briton? I am having so many health issues that I am having to consider stopping work, as it's just too tiring for me, and I'm in too much pain all the time but I can't really take all my pain meds at work as they make me look spaced out. Really don't want to stop work though. :(

 Sadly Sapphire I am not... I totally understand the work dilemma as I have actually had to stop working due to my issues. My doctors are pretty sure that its Lupus but want me to go to a rheumatologist which I have to wait til after taxes come to do that because I dont have $50 copay or the gas money to get to either memphis or nashville to see one.. Top the joint pain, cardiac issues with the chronic daily headaches that I have suffered for more years than I care to think about well you can imagine life can really suck on my end..  I never have a day where my pain(head pain) is below a 7 on the 0-10 pain scale then I have days where calling it a 10 would be like calling an amputation just a hang nail.. I think I could deal with the other pain a little better without the headache constantly in my life.. Its affected my life so negatively.. My thought processes are different due to the pain, I cant concentrate like I used to and its effected my memory.. I used to could hear someones phone number one time and remember it forever but now I do good to remember my own cell number. I will be talking about subjects I actually know very well and will go to say something and just cant pull the information out of my brain.. Its extremely frustrating.. I am a nurse.. Have been for what will be 20yrs in August of this year and I truly LOVE being a nurse and caring for my patients but I am unable to do that right now.. I am scared to even try with the problems i have pulling information out of my brain.. what if i get into a situation and i need to do something right then and I go blank and cause harm? sadly at 41yrs old and being that I have been a nurse(counting nursing school) for almost 21yrs its all i really know.. I am to old to go back to bartending which I did after I graduated highschool and before I started nursing as well as what I did back in 99-03 when I realized I had a problem with pills and needed to get away from nursing so I wouldnt risk losing my license that I had sacrificed and worked so hard for.. I doubt I could remember the ingrediants for all the drinks now as it is,lol.. I want to apply for disability but without a firm diagnosis I dont see how that would fly.. I KNOW i would be turned down despite the fact I am truly unable to hold a job.. 


as far as what you are going through you have to do whats gonna be best for YOU and YOUR health.. Doesnt mean you have to completely give up working but you need to cut back.. You going to a part time posistion in that same company would look so much better than you being fired for missing so much. Also its better to cut back now and be able to continue to work then to totally get to where you cant do any of it because you pushed yourself to hard for to long. . I understand about the pain meds too.. I am on nothing but my methadone, excedrine and ibuprofen right now so I dont have the "med sleepy" to worry about.  What meds do they have you on?  I am praying for you and your health.. 

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sapphire76

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#13 [url]

Jan 24 15 6:24 AM

Yes, I know exactly what you mean about the headaches, I have had ones like that for the last couple of years. The latest suggestion for treatment was Botox all around the forehead and back of the neck, so I went to the appointment only to have a massive panic attack at the sight of the needles. They have to go into your face, so I thought they'd be small, but they were massive great things. No way I was having them stuck in me! Plus, the research I did, for the type of headaches I have, I don't think it'd be the solution.

They have said that oxazepam would help, as a lot of my problems are tension related, and initially I didn't want to start taking benzo's again after having done a detox years ago, but now I am so worn down by the pain I think I'd take just about anything to get some relief from them. It's just really disheartening when they're there all the time, and they're so painful.

That's weird what you say, as my memory and concentration has also been affected, to the point that at one stage my Dr was worried about early onset alzheimers!

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